i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
