I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
