Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
