question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
