Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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