I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My pussy is not your playground.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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