My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
