I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How does one acquire holy water?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
