Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
