well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
