You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
