I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
