ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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