I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
