Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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