He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
