the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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