I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
