People in love make me want to vomit
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
