did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
