i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
