:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
