Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
