just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
These tits shall not be calmed
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