he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
