Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
