I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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