He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
