At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
