my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
