Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize