I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
