The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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