Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize