can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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