allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
