i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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