Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
