i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
