So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
