I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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