i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
