I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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