Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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