No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
