Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
