Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
