yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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