I can tuck mytits in my pants
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
