that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
