he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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