He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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