Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
