if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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