I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
