p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
