When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
