I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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