There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
