I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ttyl tear gas
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
