Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
