thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
