Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
