Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
