dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
